Jokes & Shayari

Sunday, 31 August 2014

Ye khuda aaj faisla kar de....
Use mera ya mujhe uska kar de...
Muddat si lagti hai ye juddai....
Is juddai ke safar ko kam kar de...,
Jitna duar hai vo mujhse ......
Mujhe uske utna hi kareeb kar de...
Agar nahi likha kismat me...
Uska aur mera saath to....
Ye khuda khtam kar de ye zindagi...
Aur mujhe fanna kar de.....

My name is- i
My problam is- love
My soluation is - you.........

An EGYPTIAN girl asked an INDIAN boy:
What can u do for me?

The boy replied:
come behind the PYRAMID.
I will make u MUMMY.

Mam: Agar me teri maa ban jauto tuje 2 din me sudhar du!
Golu: madam me abhi jake
apne bapu ko btata hu ki..
bapu teri lotery lgne wali hai.

Dhadkan dil ki ruk jati hai,
Sanse aksar tham jati hai,
Bahut buri halat hoti hai yaaro,
Jab Girlfriend se shadi karne ki naubat aati hai..

Arz kiya hai..

Muskarana to har ladki ki adaa hai.
Wah wah..

Gor farmaiye..

Muskarana to har ladki ki adaa hai.

Use jo mohabbat samjhe wo sabse bada Gadha hai..

Dekhle Tu Bhi Ek Nazar Meri Jaan...
Na Tujhse Apni Nigahein Hataaunga Main...

Abhi Na Karegi Humpe Agar Nazre Inaayat...
To Khwaabo Me Aakar Tujhe Sataaunga Main...

Teri Nazre Kaise Dil Pe Talwar Chala Rahi Hai...
Sher Likh Likh Kar Sabko Ab Bataaunga Main...

Ek Baar Tu Izaazat To De Tere Kareeb Aane Ka...
Fir Dekhna Tujhpe Kaise Mohabbat Lutaaunga Main...

Tu Mile Ya Na Mile Meri Kismet Ki Baat Hai...
Raah-E-Ishq Me Khud Ko Jarur Aajmaaunga Main...

Kar Diya Tujhpe Fida Ai Jaan Apna Dil...
Ke Ab Kisi Aur Se Kabhi Mohabbat Na Kar Paaunga Main....

Neil Armstrong landed on moon &
found 2
men already there.....
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He asked: "Who are you ??
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They replied : " Cameraman Praful
k sath
Deepak Chaurasia AAJ TAK.

Kya kahein kuch bhi kaha nahi jaata,
Dard milta hain par saha nahi jaata,
Ho gayi hai mohabbat es kadar apse,
Bina yad kiye apko humse jiya nhi jata

Khwab Bankar Teri Aankho Me Samana Hai
Dava Bankar Tere Har Dard Ko Mitana Hai,
Hasil Hai Mujhe Jamane Bhar Ki Khushiyan,
Meri har khushi ko bas tujh par lootana hain

1)
Apna toh chaahaton mein bas yahi usool hain,
Jab tu kubool hai to tera sab kuch kubool hain

2)
Sab bhul jata hu aap ke siva, yeh kya muje hua hai ?
Kya esi ehsaas ko duniya ne pyar ka naam diya hai ?

Kon kahta hai mohbat ki jubaan hoti hai
Honto k bina khule hi hakikat baya hoti h
Ishq woh khudayi hain mere dost……
Jo lafjo se nahi aankho se baya hoti hai

Tere har gum ko apni rooh me utaar lun
Zindagi apni teri chahat me sawaar lun
Mulaqat ho tujhase kuch is tarah meri,
Sari umr bas ek mulaqat me gujaar lun

Jo kabhi mila nahi, woh mera nahi
Jo khawab deka tha wo pura hua nahi
Jo chahat thi meri usse bataya hi nahi
Kash ke jeet loon sab ka Dil lekin……..
Itni mohalat kabhi kisi ne di hi nahi….

Apne haseen hotho ko kisi parde me chipa liya karo,
Hum jara gustakh log h, najro se chum liya karte hai

1. They believe in saving. Still they go out & buy expensive clothes.
2. Always buy expensive clothes but never have anything 2 wear.
3. Never have anything 2 wear, but always dressed beautifully.
4. Always dressed beautifully, but never satisfied.
5. Never satisfied, but still expect men to compliment them.
6. Expect men to compliment, but don't believe them if complemented.
7. Don't believe them if complimented, but blush when complimented !!Extremely Complicated!!

Husband : I found Aladin's lamp today.
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Wife : wow, what did u ask for darling ??
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Husband : I asked him to increase your brain
ten times..
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Wife : oh..darling..luv u so much..
.
Did he do that ??
.
Husband : He laughed and said multiplication
doesn't apply on zero!!!

Wife Raat Ko Bed Pe Sokar Boli:" Aaj kuch Aisa
Karo K Mere Paseeney Chhut Jaaye...
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Banta Utha Aur
Fan Band Karke So Gaya..
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Moral:" I don't post dirty jokes"
=))

08 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

28 - You don't need to tell her any story to take her to bed.

38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

58 - You stay in bed all day to avoid hearing her story.

Army Training Ke Dauran.
.
Officer Ne Puttan Se Pucha: 'Ye
Hath Me Kya
Hai?'
Puttan : "Sir, Banduk Hai...!
Officer : "Ye Banduk Nahi!
Tumhari
Izzat Hai,
Shaan Hai,
Ye Tumhari Maa Hai Maa.!!"
,
,
Phir Officer Ne Dusre Sipahi
Gajodhar Se Puccha:
"Ye Hath Me Kya Hai?"
,
,
Gajodhar : "Sir,
Ye Puttan Ki Maa Hai,
Uski Izzat Hai,
Uski Shaan Hai
Aur Hamari Aunty Hai Aunty..!"

Mat dekh koi shaks gunehgar kitna hai,
Ye dekh tere saath wafadar kitna hai,
Ye mat soch use kuch logo se nafrat hai,
Ye dekh use tujhse pyar kitna hai..."

Photo: Kisne bheege hue baalon se ye jhatkaa pani,
Jhoom ke aayi ghata toot ke barasa pani.
Koi matawali ghata peeke jawani ki umang,
Dil baha le gaya barsat ka pehala pani…

Kisne bheege hue baalon se ye jhatkaa pani,
Jhoom ke aayi ghata toot ke barasa pani.
Koi matawali ghata peeke jawani ki umang,
Dil baha le gaya barsat ka pehala pani…

Cute relationship is..
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when someone is angry with you and says -
"I will never talk to you" . .
And later comes back to you to just
inform you: - "I am still angry"

Tujhe Dil Se Juda Kabhi Hone Nahi Denge,
Tujhe Nind B Aaye To Sone Nahi Denge,

Tera Pyar Humein Itna Pyara Hai K
Hum Mar B Gaye To Tujhe Rone Nahi Denge ..!!!

Friday, 29 August 2014

Boy : I Love you.. Pehli Nazar mein Hi Tumhara
Aashiq Ban Gaya Hu.. Do U Love me..?

Girl : Hmmmm Main Tumhe
Ek Sawal Puchti Hu Agar Tum Jeet Gaye To Mai
Tumhe
Jawab De Dungi....?

Lakda Muskurata Hai Aur Chup Chap Jaane Lagta
Hai..

Girl: Kya Hua Jawab Nai Chahiye..
Ladka : (Palat Kar Kehta Hai)
Mujhe Tumhara Pyaar Chahiye.. Jeet mein mila
Hua
Inaam Nahi....!!

A woman went to police station to file a
report for her missing husband:
Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied
with a golden chain,height 30 inches,
healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his
left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he
never barks, wearing a golden belt studded
with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we
eat
together, we jog together.
The woman started crying
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first !!!!!!!

1 Larki ki 5 Crore ki Lottery Nikli
Company ne Socha Achanak Bataya to Larki
Khushi se
Mar sakti hai,
Company ne ek Baba ko Ye KAam diya k
Aese Batao k
Wo Khushi se Mar Na Jaye
Baba ne Ja k Us Larki se kaha;
"Farz karo Aap ka 5 Crore ka Inaam Nikle to
Aap Kya
Karo gi?"
Larki: Aap k Samne Dance Karun gi,
Aap se Pyaar Karun gi,
Shaadi kar lo gi
Yehi nahi
Aadha Inaam bhi de dun gi...!
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Saala BABA hi Khushi se Mar gaya

A girl asked a boy -
Why do we fall in a relationship
when we know that someday it will
end...
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Boy- I will answer you..
But first tell me why do we live
when we all know that someday we will
die..!

Ek Professor Restaurant Mein Gaya Aur Sirf Roti Order Ki
.
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Waiter Ne Roti Lakar Serve Ki, Aur Professor Khaali Plate Me Roti Dubo Kar Khane Laga
.
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Waiter Hairaan Hokar: “Sir Ye Aap Kya Kar Rahe Ho Plate To Khaali Hai”
.
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Professor: “Shut Up! Main Ek Maths Teacher Hun
Aur Maine Daal Suppose Ki Huyi Hai.“

Boy: Aaj accident hua,uff Marte- Marte
bacha
hu..
.
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Dad: Tumhari hi galti hogi..
.
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Maa: Beta thik to ho na.. ??
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Sis: Bhai kahi chot to nahi aayi.. ??
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Bro: Yaar dhayan se chalaya kar..
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Lover: Tumhe mera Jara bhi khayal
nahi..
&
Friend: Ohh shit yaar..TEHRVI ke Laddu
Milte-Milte reh
gaye...
.
Moral: Dost hote hi kamine hai..
Hit LIKE Kamino ke liye..

Arz karta hu,
.
.
Shayad Mere Pyar Ko Taste Karna Bhool Gaye Tum;
.
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Shayad Mere Pyar Ko Taste Karna Bhool Gaye Tum

.

Dil Sey Aisa Cut Kiya Ki Paste Karna Bhool
Gaye Tum!

*Mere Marne par Rone Ki Baat Karne
Wale To "Bahut Hai "Duniya Me
Ae DoST
Bus Koi Aisa
Chahiye Jo Mere Rone Par
marnay Ki Baat Kar De..* —

Timeline:
Girl1: YøYø! $!nG!nG..tØØ mUc FuNNN...
Girl2: Awww! eNjÔy ßäßy..

Chat:
Girl2: DiDi, KyA bAAt Hai..kAhA..sInGinG kAr RaHi Ho, bAtAyA BHi nAhi..
Girl1: Arr€Y pAgli! AaJ, SoCi€tY Me gAnApAti Laa rAh€ hAi ToH "Ganapati Bappa, Mourya Gaane Ka Hai.."

1 Ladki Apne Lover Se Gift Me

Ring Lena Chahti Thi.

Magr Ladke Ne Us Ko "Bhalu" Gift Diya

Jis Par Ladki Ko Buhot Gusa Aya,

Or Us Ne Woh"bhalu" Road Pe Phenk Diya,

Ladka Woh "Bhalu" Uthane K Liye Road Ki Tarf

Bhaga Mgr Us Ka Car Se Acident Ho Gya

Or Woh Wahin Mar Gya...

Ladki Dekh Kr Chillayi Or

Usne Woh "Bhalu" Utha K Apne Seeny Se Laga Kar,

Zor Se Rone Lagi.

Tabhi "Bhalu" Mai Se Awaz Aai

I Love U Ring In My Pocket

Will U Marry Me?

Trust in Your Love.

Don't Make Any Demand In Love...

Sunday, 31 August 2014

Saturday, 30 August 2014

Friday, 29 August 2014

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