A young man comes before a customs agent.

A: "State your citizenship."
B:"American" (pronounced with a Spanish accent).
A: "Hold on there, buddy. Say that again."
B: "I sed American."
A: "I'm going to give you a test."
B: "No, no senor, no need for test, I tell you I"m American."
A: "Yeah, sure buddy. OK, let's see, ... I've got it. Make a sentence with the following colors: green, pink and yellow."
B: "Oh senor, I tell you I'm American. But OK, let's see... I was at my bruder-in-laws house and the phone went 'green, green, I pinked it up and sed yellow!" 

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Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!" 
Submitted by: Michael Trew Man: How can you tell if a man is happy? 
Woman : Who cares?! 
(Use as an example of a sexist joke.) 

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Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark." 

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Mene maut se jakar kaha ki tu thodey din tal jaa,
Maut ne kaha teri kisi ko jarurat nahi tu chala aa,
Mene kaha koyi h joh sirf mere liye hi jeeta hain,
Maut ne kaha esliye tu roz pani ki jagah ansoo pita h

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Knock, knock. 
Who's there? 
Banana. 
Banana who? 
Knock, knock. 
Who's there? 
Banana. 
Banana who? 
Knock, knock. 
Who's there? 
Banana. 
Banana who? 
Knock, knock. 
Who's there? 
Orange. 
Orange who? 
Orange you glad I didn't say banana? 

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Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? 
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom? 
Little Johnny: But I asked first! 

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A teacher asked a student to write 55. 
Student asked: How? 
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5! 
The student wrote 5 and stopped. 
teacher: What are you waiting for? 
student: I don't know which side to write the other 5! 

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Mohabbat se wo dekhte hain sabhi ko
Bas hum par kabhi ye inayat nahi hoti
Main to sheesha hu tutna meri fitrat hai
Esliye muje pattharo se koi sikayat nahi hoti

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A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.

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The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick' 
The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?' 
The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...'

I use this joke for retelling in reported speech. 

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My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. 
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"

(Try this one with your students the next time you are teaching a lesson that includes this type of grammer.)

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A: I have the perfect son. 
B: Does he smoke? 
A: No, he doesn't. 
B: Does he drink whiskey? 
A: No, he doesn't. 
B: Does he ever come home late? 
A: No, he doesn't. 
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? 
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

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Ek phool Ajeeb Tha,
Kabhi Hamare bhi Bahut
Karib
Tha,
Jab Ham chahne Lage use
Khud Se Jyada,
To Pata chala...... Ki Wo
Ham se Bhi Jyada
Kisi Or K Karib Tha..

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kabhi kisi ko mukammal jahaan nahin milataa 
kahin zamin to kahin aasamaan nahin milataa 
jise bhi dekhiye vo apane aap men gum hai 
zubaan mili hai magar hamazubaan nahin milataa 

kabhii kisi ko mukammal...... 

bujhaa sakaa hai bhalaa kaun waqt ke shole 
ye aisi aag hai jisame dhuaan nahin milataa 
kabhi kisi ko mukammal...... 

tere jahaan men aisaa nahin ki pyaar na ho jahaan
ummid ho isaki, wahaan nahin milataa

kabhi kisi ko mukammal...

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Ek Shakhs Ki Chahat Ka Armaan Raha Aksar 

Jo Jaan Kar Bhi Sab Kuch Anjaan Raha Aksar 

Yeh Pyaar Mohabbat Ka Hai Kya Khel , Rab Jane 

Ke Jisne Wafa Ki , Usko Nuksaan Raha Aksar 

Aata Hai Wo Neendon Me ,Rehta Hai Wo Khawbon Me 

Ek Yahi To Uska Mujh Par, Ehsaan Raha Aksa

good nite friends. .

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Naukrani ne malkin se kaha, memsahab gajab ho gaya, pados ki teen auraten aap ki saas ko peet rahi hai.

Malkin naukrani ke saath balakani se aayi aur chupchap tamasha dekhne lagi.

Naukarani ne poocha, aap madad karne nahi jayengi?

Malkin: Nahi uske liye teen hi kaafi hai.

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Mere dil ke ko dard kisne dekhaa hain,
Mujhe bus khuda ne tadapte dekha hai
Hum tanhayi mein baithe rote hain,
Logo ne hume mahfil me haste dikha h

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Zindagi ke safar ki manzil hai maut,
Milti hai zindagi toh aati hain maut,
Hasna hai zindagi toh rona h maut
Chalna h zindagi to rukna hai maut
Har aashiq ki zindagi ki manzil h maut

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Jo kabhi mila nahi, woh mera nahi
Jo khawab deka tha wo pura hua nahi
Jo chahat thi meri usse bataya hi nahi
Kash ke jeet loon sab ka Dil lekin……..
Itni mohalat kabhi kisi ne di hi nahi….

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